Beyond surviving
by Kyle Bentle

   Suicide is currently the third leading cause of death among teenagers in the United States. These suicides affect more than just the victims. There are an estimated six survivors, or family and friends, that are affected by each suicide.
   Sheri Hole is the organizer of the Muncie chapter of Heartbeat: Survivors After Suicide, a support group that helps grieving families heal after a loved one has committed suicide. Heartbeat is a national organization that originated in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Sheri began the Muncie chapter in 2005, four years after her husband took his life in 2001.
   “I knew there was a need because I knew I wasn’t the only person it had happened to,” Sheri said. Even with that conviction, Sheri initially had doubts about starting the group.
   “It was hard because I really wasn’t sure what to do,” said Sheri. She began holding meeting once a month at Ball Memorial Hospital, but for two years nobody came. Sheri said it was dispiriting, but the few people she met outside of the monthly meetings inspired her. Jennifer Hole, Sheri’s daughter, helped out by distributing pamphlets and newsletters about the group.
   In the fall of 2007, Sheri heard Dr. Eric Pierson from the Ball State Counseling Center was also trying to start a suicide support group in Muncie. Together they formed the Suicide Prevention and Support Coalition of East Central Indiana. The group was formed during Suicide Prevention week in October and received local media attention. Because of the publicity, six people began to show up to Sheri’s meetings.
   Sheri was initially anxious that nobody in the group would want to talk, but she was surprised at how people in the group wanted to share.
   “When you go to something like that, some people just want to talk,” Sheri said. “I didn’t have any problem.”
   Sheri said she thought it was important that she be a part of the group as well.
   “I didn’t want to be a leader or anything like that, because it had happened to me too, so I felt it was important we were all at the same level,” Sheri said.
   Sheri said the meeting involved lots of talking and sharing.  She said the meetings could be emotional; at one meeting, family photos were brought in to show.
   Seeing picture of other survivors’ family members brought back a flood of good memories of Sheri’s husband, Jeff. Jeff was “a wonderful person.” Sheri and Jeff married in 1979 and had three children: two sons and a daughter. Sheri worked in Housing and Residence Life at Ball State and Jeff held down two jobs. Later Jeff started his own company with his son that included owning several successful tobacco shops and a technical service company in Muncie.
   “He was very involved in my life as a father,” Jennifer said. “Ever since I was little he supported me in everything that I did. He was a very honest and loyal husband to my mother and loved us both very much.” The family was involved in their church, and Jeff played the organ in the choir.
   After the businesses began booming, Sheri resigned from Ball State in order to be more involved with Jennifer. In 2001, however, the economy took a nosedive and the businesses began to struggle. Sheri said that this might have contributed to Jeff’s decision to take his own life.  
   Both Sheri and Jennifer said they saw hardly any signs of depression. Jennifer said she thought that the closer you are to a person, the harder it is to see those signs. 
   “The hardest part to live with is knowing that I could have done something,” said Sheri. She said that this is a problem many grievers face after a loved one’s suicide.
    Sheri said her meetings are different from other grief support groups because of the special circumstances that the families of suicide victims. She said the shock of suicide is different from the shock of death alone.
   “You have to deal with the fact that they chose to end their own life,” Sheri said. Family members often feel guilty, even though they had nothing to do with the decision. 
   Jennifer said she took the shock worse than her mother did. She thinks that her mother’s age and experience helped her deal with the grief better. Both Sheri and Jennifer said that the support of their family and community helped them through their grief.
   “I think that it is very important to connect with people in your community who have experienced similar losses,” Jennifer said. “I also want people to know that it is normal to be scared and confused when you experience a loss like this.”
   Sheri hopes to expand the program soon. She wants to add a daytime and a nighttime session, as well as holding a different session for adults and then another for teens. All she needs, she says, is more of what her group is founded on: help.